Friendship. What does that word even mean? Is it someone thatʻs there in your time of sorrow and your time of happiness? That one person you can turn to when all seems wrong. That one person that knows everything about you, good and bad. Your dirty habits, your stubbornness. Understands you in the best way possible.
Well lately Iʻve been redefining the word friendship. It doesnʻt mean the same thing it has always meant to me. Lately, I feel an emptiness. One that can only be fully reoccupied by someone that I care so dearly about. (The name has no relevance to this story.)
Maybe itʻs school and trying to juggle between three internships, being a full time student, and being Vice President of a club that I deeply care about. But lately I notice that I donʻt smile the way I used to. It no longer stretches from ear to ear. It pauses half way, almost as if I am forcing myself to smile. So others wonʻt think anything is wrong with me.
Iʻm good at that, hiding my true emotions. And the ones that really see the real me are the lucky ones. They are the ones who are my true friends.
Itʻs just a feeling, but lately I have been feeling uneasy, itʻs something I canʻt describe. It doesnʻt help that this city I live in sucks so much.
I am always the one that people throw their life problems on. I am the good listener that people turn to vent their life away. But what if I need a good listener, who is there for me?
No one understands me. Why Iʻm I so complicated? People view me as another nice girl, who has her life figured out. Well I donʻt, who does nowadays anyways?
I hate it when people pick up petty fights with me about things that have no relevance to life. Why do you have to raise my blood pressure and make me angry for no good reason? Those arenʻt friends.
Who am I?
I always ask myself that question. On the surface, I am Raina Patel, a girl who wants to change the way people view this world. I see the good in people, even if they donʻt see it themselves.
Another question: Whatʻs the point of life?
We go about our daily life doing the same thing. Day in and day out. Develop relationships with people, loose friendships, cry, feel pain, enjoy the simple pleasures of life.
Alright this is getting too philosophical for me.
All I am trying to say is that I wish people would just give me the chance to speak, instead of judging me about my actions. People donʻt realize how hurtful they really are. Call me stubborn, call me names, call me all of these negative ideas. Where does that leave me? To think lowly of myself.
So to all of those hurtful people out there, be careful what you say.
I take what you say to heart.